When I applied for the Peace Corps my uncle Jerry asked me, “What are you doing? Stay home and do some good. Do you really think you are going to make a difference?” At that very moment, I felt deflated. All the motivation to do something sacrificially worthwhile quickly left my body. I was somewhat in agreement with his skepticism because I knew what he was implying; and I also believed his blunt hint: ‘No change will come as a result of your two year sacrifice.’I could have allowed Uncle Jerry to discourage me from facing the challenge and the disappointment – but nothing could penetrate my straight out of college idealism. Not even known defeat…or was it accurate pessimism? Either way, I was ready to conquer and change the world. Ready like I was this past Friday. Embolden to be one in solidarity with the Palestinians. But, filled with anxiety when and if I faced a critic and/or Israel sympathizer.
While I did not sacrifice too much, I did have to endure the looks and the whispers. Initially, I could not determine if the people who wanted to notice me were quietly cheering me on or if they were disgusted with my declaration: Israel is Dead Wrong, and Our Leaders are Cowards. With this wrapped around my head and pasted to my chest, I assumed the Che Guevera t-shirt intimidated several too. Being big and black was a factor also. Not too many people are bold enough to question a brotha of my physical stature.
Thankfully, the majority of the people who approached me at Perimeter Mall were black. Actually, black females. The brothas looked at me as if: ‘What is this jackass doing? While the white females had that look of intrigue and attraction. Most of the fellas know that look: Is ‘it’ really that big? The black women did not have their minds in my pants. They stopped by my food court lunch table that soon became my lunch domain because when I sat down the white folk, men mostly, got gone. No questions. Only looks of condemnation. Did not bother me at all! I had the space to myself which meant that I was in control. I was holding court. Stating and declaring my purpose, my mission for the day: Bring attention to the Israel-Gaza conflict by representing and supporting the now dead 600 plus men, women, and children of Gaza.
After I left the mall, it was time to hit a bookstore. There, I was able to engage several people on both sides of the issue. Of course, my barrier was the inability to talk. Nonetheless, I was able to justify my political two-point stance with a writing pad and pen. Barnes and Noble was safe. Full of progressives and rebels. Surprisingly, I got the Black Power fist from an elderly white man.
Kroger Supermarket was abrasive. Yes, tough grounds at the grocery store! The stares cut. The mumbles were not silent. So that I would not bring anymore attention to myself and to stop security from following me I gathered my meal items for my late feast, scanned the items, swiped my MasterCard, and as I walked to my American made vehicle tried my best not to smack the obvious Israeli cohort. He got too close. All up in my personal space. When I felt his finger poke in my oversized deltoid it was time to hit or flee. I left.
My day concluded with a meal. A meal that I had waited on for more than 16 hours. Those of you who know me understand that me not eating is a bad thing. The fast (no food and water) was tough – but as I have said time and time again: “Not eating for hours is nothing compared to the days some people in Gaza have went without eating since the beginning of the most recent Middle East conflict.”
This was my day. My experience.
Did I make a difference?
Perhaps. I received an email from a man (a policeman) who now claims I helped him “see” both sides of the issue. That was my intent on January 9, 2009: To get someone to think.
-The Black Rebel
Reader Response
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm not sure if I agree if Israel is dead (mostly because I'm really not sure what that means), I think this show of peaceful protest is brilliant. Just a point of clarification on the mind of females- a man who stands up to the world and stays true to his convictions is very attractive to cerebral females (black, white, hispanic etc). If you were a black female and did the same thing, the number of women who approached you in the mall would not have been nearly as high. the white females were just a little too intimidated, and quite honestly probably a bit confused to see a black man of your stature in the South fighting for this cause. Their minds weren't in their pants but....
I've never understood the modern state of Israel and the American gov't's relentless support of it, despite being a second generation child of German Jewish refugees.
I'm sure the chance is slim to none, but just in case...don't stop being you.
-TS
Muata responds to TS:
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback.
The tape had the following written on it: Israel is Dead Wrong, and Our Leaders are Cowards. In the picture I sent one cannot see the 'Wrong'.
Also, I am with you on your point about the intimidation factor. I clearly disturbed some folk. Especially, the white females. They were just confused while the black women were more comfortable with approaching me because I am black.
It was an interesting day, and to be honest I was scared azz hell the entire time. Not concerned about my safety. Just nervous.
Thanks for reading.
-Muata
Readers Respones:
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you, man. Showing real leadership.
-LE
Glad you stood for what your believed!
-Freedom!!!
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteSo many of the "progressive" and nationalistic minded brothers and sisters in our community such as yourself spend much of their public lives working "outside the system" as advocates, activists and the like protesting and speaking against U.S. policies domestically and abroad. While I truly respect these efforts, it is at a time like this that we need progressively minded persons working inside the system, not working outside to the system where they have little or no affect upon world events.
I respect your passion and right to fast, to protest, to blog or march or whatever other activities in which you choose to engage regarding the Gaza crisis or any other injustice. However, I must ask, will these efforts change the statistics that you listed above? When? How?
Many progressive folks are very critical of U.S. support of Israel and a host of other issues. But I am not sure how such policies will ever change if all the progressive folks are on the outside of the complex foreign policy game looking in...we need progressively minded foreign policy experts IN THE GAME where the decisions are made, where the funds are dispersed, where the high level talks are held. Of course, this would mean that you would have to go into the "belly of the beast" as it were and enlist yourself in government service. But I would much rather you or someone similarly inclined to be in the Obama West Wing giving direct advice than on the internet talking to other folks like me who have little chance of immediately changing the status quo.
I no longer want all the folks of color in foreign policy to be conservative or beholden to conservative interests. Even Dr. Rice knows there is a colorline in foreign policy and she has seen it from up close ... you mentioned your admiration for Colin Powell yesterday ... oh that there was a progressive and up-and-coming man of color with the gravitas of a Colin Powell on the foreign policy scene ... but alas, I know of none.
I hope that those of us in our community who are versed in foreign will take the next 4 to 8 years of the Obama administration to put your skills and passions to good use. I would say that Gaza, Rwanda, Dafur and the other places to which you refer need you...
"Secretary Rice Says U.S. Needs More Black Diplomats"
From Blacknews.com - September 17, 2008
Fairfax, VA - U.S. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice recently called the paucity of black Americans at her agency "unacceptable," saying that she would like see more African American students interested in foreign affairs careers. Speaking in Washington, D.C. at a conference convened by the White House Initiative on Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs), Rice commented on how she can participate in an entire day of meetings at the agency without seeing "somebody who looks like her." She later called on HBCUs and other conference attendees to help address this disparity.
http://www.mybrotha.com/black-diplomats.asp
Muata Responds to previous comment (comment #4):
ReplyDeleteProgressives like me are not wanted in government. Too much change will occur if they let us in. People like me die early or become depressingly sadden by the corruption. Just think about all the men and women who have tried to institute REAL change. If they are not dead, they have been silenced.
I spent my 'diplomat' days as a Peace Corps Volunteer and staffer. I worked hard. Gave of myself. In the end, I discovered that the government that supported me was really not interested in the work that so many Peace Corps Volunteers contribute.
Anything that can affect change is shot down in the GREAT UNITED STATES. You know this.
I have grown tired of working within when it is only a few of me on the inside (belly of the beast). My goal is to teach. Change a life via word and with my truth. I am finish with the fight on the inside. I am more effective chatting and writing. Sharing my story. I ain't built for the bullshit anymore.
It is obvious Barack Obama has a big heart – but he is already showing signs of defeat: It once was Yes We Can. Now, it is We May Not Make It. The emotionally-charged speeches are over. What now???
-Muata
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteYes, you made a difference. The security cam video will prove it! That was a very interesting experiment. I haven't seen anything close on tv.
Several hundred more Palestinians have been killed in Gaza (size of NJ) since 1/9.
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteI would say you made a difference as a Peace Corps volunteer as well. I bet there is someone in his service area that remembers him and the contribution he made even if the Peace Corps or the U.S. government did not appreciate his service (responding to a comment Brian made last week).
-TJW
Reader Response:
ReplyDeleteDid it matter to you? Does solidarity have to come in the form of media attention? Man you did more than the vast majority of people in the world and that is big time in my book. Great job bro I am proud of you!
-LE
Reader Response:
ReplyDeletei admire your courage. you did something important and you may not have moved most, but someone was affected for the better.
when i went to a program with phylicia rashad last summer, she said the best advice she got from her mother was to be bold, be beautiful, and be free. those words are my gudng force nowadays. i think you are exemplifying that. keep it goin. i'm proud of you for stepping out there!
-N